Broken Mirror
by TheScarletIbis
Summary: Merlin had a secret that not even he knew about. The secret is this: Merlin was never present to save Arthur's life, or free the great dragon from his chains. It was Emrys, Merlin's first personality among three. Warning: MPD


Based on a Harry Potter story I read. This story disturbs me... I feel... insane. Poor Merlin. Um... this won't be a long story. Probably two chapters. Enjoy... or rather don't think me disturbed. Blame the Harry Potter fanfiction author that influenced me. Poor Merlin... :'(

I'm not disturbed.

-Scar

* * *

Merlin had a secret that not even he knew about. The secret is this: Merlin was never present to save Arthur's life, or free the great dragon from his chains.

In fact, Merlin didn't use magic at all. Emrys did. They are the same person, same soul, but different minds. When someone faces a very difficult situation or a problem, their minds might not react well to it. For Merlin, having magic was too difficult to face and his mind had responded by making a different person. To be specific, a different personality. His disorder is commonly known as the multiple personality disorder or the dissociative identity disorder. During his time period, the MPD had not been discovered and due to this fact, Gaius couldn't figure out why Merlin acted differently sometimes or why Merlin complained about losing his memories.

Emrys wasn't Merlin's only personality. He had few others, unfortunately, but we'll get to that later. Emrys had been 'born' when Merlin had been about seven or eight when Merlin had finally understood why his mother never let Merlin be who is was. Merlin had seen what would happen if someone was found as a sorcerer and it had scared it. So, Emrys was born, nameless at first.

Merlin's other personalities were Grim and Donovan, both with a sad tale. Grim was born when Merlin couldn't take any other deaths in his life: his father, his love, wars, Morgana (emotionally)... Whenever something sad, terrible, depressing happened, Grim took Merlin's sad emotions away, locking them forever into Grim. Grim was always sad, always depressed.

The name Donovan meant dark warrior and he was born after almost killing Morgana. This was his dark side. Merlin's personality that killed, lied, and other terrible things. Donovan was mean, cruel, and had a bad temper. He couldn't use magic though as well as Emrys though. His physical sense was almost like Merlin's. He couldn't fight well, but he was violent. Although Donovan wasn't as clumsy as Merlin, he was similar to Merlin unlike Grim and Emrys. Grim always had his shoulders and head down as if the world was on his back. Emrys stood straight up. His posture would remind someone of a noble, a warrior, a hero. Emrys was graceful and quick. He still couldn't fight well with a sword or a fist but was better than his other personalities. Emrys fought with magic and killed, but without any dark thoughts. He only killed to protect Arthur. Whenever there was a war, Donovan or Emrys would come out and fight for Merlin. Emrys fought and Donovan usually gave the final blow or gave Emrys enough anger to kill. It's confusing.

Merlin, without his other personalities, was a happy servant boy that shook in horror at the word: magic. Merlin was normal.

And now, onto this short tale that is to be told this evening, morning depending on what time it is that you are reading this sad tale.

"MERLIN!" Arthur called.

Merlin, and not any other, groaned and opened his eyes. He blinked several times in confusion. Last time he checked, he hadn't been here before. No, he was in his room, silently dozing off ignoring millions of chores that Arthur was making him do. Now, though, he was in Arthur's room holding Arthur's armor.

"Merlin! What is going on with you?" Arthur asked impatiently. "I need my armor, Merlin. I don't need you criticizing me. You're lucky I haven't sent you to the stocks for your... rude behavior." He sighed and stared at Merlin strangely. "What is wrong with you? It's... weirder this week. Ever since that battle. It's like you're a different person."

Merlin's heart pounded. What had happened? "Uh... I don't know sire. I've been... I'm tired." He proceeded to dress Arthur in his armor. "I suppose the immortal army frightened me."

Arthur scoffed. "You're such a girl, Merlin. Even Morgana, a _girl_, didn't fear the army. She destroyed it." Merlin frowned but refrained from speaking.

The rest of the day went by smoothly without any other disruptions. Arthur, after another tiresome day, lay in bed. He thought about several things but his troubled mind thought about his servant. He had acted... differently today. Arthur sighed as he remembered his conversation with Merlin:

"You're late, Merlin." Arthur was sitting on his bed as Merlin barged into the room, frowning deeply. He shut the door behind him with more force than normally. The vibration shook the walls forcing a vase nearby to fall and crash. The loud sound almost made Arthur jump but he narrowed his eyes instead. "You owe me a vase, _Mer_lin. Do you know how much that was? An amount you can't afford, Merlin!" Arthur sighed as he stared at Merlin trying to piece the vase back together.

Arthur stood up and walked toward Merlin. "What are you doing, idiot?" Merlin had his back towards him, but Arthur could see him trembling in anger or fear, Arthur couldn't tell. "Just clean it up and dress me. I'm going to be late for training and I'm going to put you into the stocks for it." Merlin stood up quickly and dressed Arthur after cleaning the vase. Merlin was glaring at anything he could stare at. His lips were in a tight line that made the area around his mouth paler.

"I'm going to be late, _Mer_lin," Arthur said. "You're quiet today. The stocks finally got some sense into you?" Merlin picked up the armor. Arthur's helmet crashed on the floor. Merlin hissed angrily and picked it up. "You know, it's a wonder that you aren't dead yet with all that clumsiness. You are so weak, Merlin."

Merlin growled, surprising Arthur who had never heard or thought of Merlin... growling? "Fool," he said.

"Excuse me?" Arthur answered with shock written on his face.

Merlin turned around and faced the prince. He face was scrunched up in anger and he glared, blue eyes looking dangerously, at Arthur. He hissed, "Fool, you are, Arthur Pendragon, for underestimating us. You don't know us. We may be clumy, act as an idiot, or whatever, but we are not weak, Arthur Pendragon." He chuckled darkly. Shivers ran down Arthur's back. "My _prince._"

Arthur stared at Merlin in shock. His speech turned circles in Arthur's mind. Merlin had never acted like this. Not ever. And what about that us? What us?

Merlin's face changed without warning. He blinked several times as his expression calmed down. He looked confused. Arthur could only stare back in confusion as he put on his armor. What just happened?

Everything felt... wrong. He was having bad dreams again. About a girl named Freya. She had died by a lethal sword wound. She had been fighting Arthur. Why, he didn't know. Who? She felt familiar... as if it wasn't a dream. As if... Merlin had known her.

Merlin rubbed his chest feeling a trobbing ache. His heart was heavy and tears threatned to fall. Merlin bit his lips and kept from yelling. Stupid dreams. He felt so sad... but he had not felt sad since a long time. Weird. But not weird as memory losses Merlin kept having. He had only few in Ealdor. It increased when he arrived in Camelot. Merlin placed his hands on his face. "I can't even remember the battles," he whispered.

What was ailing him? Poor him. Poor Merlin. What indeed was ailing him?

Merlin blinked. There it is again. That feeling. That presence. Darkness overcame him and Merlin fell asleep as another took his place.

Grim grieved. Grieved for Freya. Grieved for the dragonlord. Grieved for everything. Poor poor world. What had Grim done to deserve this?

The door flew open. Gaius walked in. Not seeing Merlin, he said, "Arthur's waiting outside, Merlin. He's angry. You're late, again!"

Grim nodded and answered, "M'sorry Gaius. So sorry." His voiced sounded hoarse.

Gaius frowned. "Are you all right, Merlin?"

"Huh? M'fine... Just peachy." Grim walked outside his room without staring at Gaius. Arthur was waiting outside. He looked angry. Oops. Another to disappoint. Not wanting to hear an argument, Gaius left the room.

Arthur, seeing Merlin appear, glowered at Merlin. "I have a meeting with the knights, Merlin! And I see you lazing around not doing your job. I don't know _why_ I keep you around, Merlin! You are worthless! I shouldn't even come up here! You have the stocks today, Merlin!"

Merlin shuddered and Arthur stopped his ranting. Another explosion like yesterday? But Merlin only bowed his head and whispered, "So sorry, sire. I... I know... I know. I'm sorry. So sorry. I'll do better, yes, yes... I'll do better."

The prince was surprised. He didn't expect this. He observed Merlin. His back was scrunched up and his head was down. Arthur couldn't see his face. "Merlin?"

"I'm sorry! So sorry! I can't help being worthless!" He looked up at Arthur. Desperation and sadness was shown on his face.

"Merlin..." Arthur tried to say.

"I'll try better, sire! I was occupied this morning. I didn't feel well! Oh... there shouldn't been an excuse for my behavior! I'm so sorry," Merlin begged. His breath came out ragged.

Arthur breathed heavily as he listened to Merlin babbling. When Merlin didn't stop apologizing, Arthur grabbed Merlin by his shoulders. He looked in Merlin's eyes. "Merlin. You are not worthless. I didn't mean that. You know I say thing I don't mean sometimes." He swallowed. "Are you... okay, Merlin?"

Something flickered in Merlin's eyes. His posture changed as Merlin stood up straighter. He blinked, just like yesterday, and looked around in confusion... just like yesterday. He stared at Arthur and his hands holding Merlin's shoulders. Merlin frowned. "Uh... sire?"

Arthur let go of him when he felt Merlin's discomfort. "Yes?"

Merlin paused and sighed. "Nothing." He bit his lips. "This might be a little weird, but what was I doing before you uh..."

"You were apologizing."

"Apologizing?"

"Yes. You're late for work." Arthur looked at Merlin in concern. "Are you okay, Merlin?"

"I'm... fine," Merlin answered. He didn't look like it though. Merlin sat down on a nearby chair. He didn't trust his trembling legs.

"You can tell me anything, Merlin. You've been acting strange this past few weeks."

Merlin shook his head and let out a shuddering breath. "I don't know. I don't know what's happening to me! I've been having... You wouldn't believe me."

Arthur scoffed. "Merlin, we've faced dragons, enchantments, and an army of dead soldiers. Try me."

Merlin smiled slightly. "I've been having black outs. One moment, I'm in my room. Next, I'm... somewhere else. The others... I can't remember the whole battles. And there's dreams that I have."

"What dreams?"

"Dreams of people and things I feel like I should know, but I can't!" Merlin said.

Arthur sat down on a stool. "Perhaps, it's a spell."

"No. I had this since I was young. About eight."

The prince frowned. "What about that friend of yours? Well from Ealdor?"

Merlin frowned. "Well? Do you mean Will?" Arthur nodded. "What about Will?"

"Will. The sorcerer?"

Merlin gasped and stood up. "Will's a... sorcerer?"

"You didn't know?"

"No! I mean... I don't know. I don't know... Even if he was, I don't think he would be able to cast a spell on me when we were eight."

Arthur stood up and placed a hand on Merlin's shoulder. Staring intently into Merlin's eyes, he promised Merlin, "You'll be fine, Merlin. We'll find a cure." Merlin nodded hesistantly, not believing Arthur's words. "I swear it."

* * *

Intense, wasn't it? Um, yeah. Weird, I know. I don't think I'm disturbed... am I?


End file.
